God and “Gays”: My Views on Homosexuality and Christianity

God and “Gays”: My Views on Homosexuality and Christianity

So before I begin this rant, let me give you all a little bit of my story. As many of you know, I am a Christian and have been in the church my entire life. What a lot of you don't know is that since about middle school, I have noticed that I am not attracted to girls, but rather guys. I don't refer to myself gay (although I used to) because I believe that it affirms that homosexuality in my life. Instead I refer to myself as dealing with a same sex attraction (SSA). Anyways, about seven months ago (after summer camp at Ghormly), I felt God wanted me to share what I had been going through with some of the youth leaders. I didn't want to at first, but eventually I wrote an email with my story in it to several youth staff leaders at my church. This was my first instance of really “coming out”. Needless to say, the leaders were really supportive of what I was going through and assured me that they all loved me no matter what I was like, and showed me that God still loves me too. I pray that all of you reading will think no differently of me. I'm still the same guy I've always been... Just with more issues on my plate. Anyways, after that, it was clear to me that I needed to make a conscious choice whether to follow God or pursue my attraction to other men. I chose to pursue God. I mean, after all, I had grown up in the church, and I have seen God working in miraculous ways in my life, and in the lives of many others. Anyways, over the past few months, I have been making my way through this journey, battling temptation, and steadily growing closer to God. I have learned a lot of things, and observed some odd behavior from both sides that has made me really angry, and so I felt led to write this.

Christians

I want to address Christians first. Let me start by saying thank you to all of you that have been there for me, showing me unconditional love and assuring me that God is working in my life. I guess I'll start out with my views on homosexuality from a Christian standpoint.

I want to state first and foremost that I do NOT believe that a same sex attraction (SSA) is a sin. I believe that that attraction is a temptation. I DO however believe that acting on that attraction is a sin. Let me put it this way. Attraction to someone of the same sex is just like it is for “straight” people. Is it a sin for a man to be attracted to a woman? No. Is it a sin for a man to go out and have sex with that woman before they are married? Yes. You see? The attraction isn't where the sin in a SSA lies. The sin lies in acting on that temptation.

I also want to talk about attitude. While I have been shown that there are many people out there who want to lead me towards God, and love me regardless of who I am attracted to, I have also seen many who are not. I cannot believe the amount of people who don't know that I struggle with SSA that I hear bashing gay people in or out of church. Also radical groups that say “God hates fags”. Is that really the way to win a person over to Christianity? By telling them that God hates them? I mean, sure acting on a SSA is a sin, but God will NEVER hate anyone! It's like saying “God hates people who lie” or “God hates people who don't honor their parents”. It's identifying someone by their sin, and that is wrong. To me, and to God, all sin is equal. If a person lies, they are just as much of a sinner as if a person kills another. If God truly hated “fags”, then he would hate every person with sin in their life... So essentially, in order for God to hate “fags” he would have to hate everyone. So why is it that people look at homosexuality/homosexuals with such disdain? Why are there people who are willing to go into prisons and share the love of God with convicted felons, but who are afraid to share that exact same love with someone who has a SSA? God loves everyone equally, and as Christians, it is our responsibility to show that love to others through ourselves. If you ask me, judging and putting down gays isn't very Christ-like at all. Would Jesus be rude to a gay person just because they are gay? Would he instantly jump to tell them, “You're going to hell if you don't change”? NO. No wonder people with SSA's have a biased view of Christianity... Because there are so few Christians who will actually show them that love without condemning them.

Which brings me to my next topic. Condemning. Who the heck told anyone that it was our right to condemn anyone? I mean really. That is NOT our job. I am so sick of the people that I see telling Gays about the speck in their eye when they have a log in their own. Sure acting on homosexuality is a sin... but we've all sinned, so why is their sin such a huge deal? And what right does anyone have to point out that others are sinful. I'm pretty sure that everyone knows that they are sinful. Newsflash: ALL HUMANS ARE SINFUL.

And for all of you who are out there trying to convince gays to “change their ways”, please realize that it's a lot easier to ask for change when you're not the one who's changing. Believe me, I could sit here all day and tell you to change too, but when it comes down to actually changing who you are and what you stand for, it's a lot harder to change (especially since sin is so much fun!). When you have to shake up your entire world, cut friends out of your life, stop acting a certain way, and stop living what was once your life, you cannot expect it to be easy. No, change is not an everyday thing. It's not a “go to sleep gay, wake up straight” kind of thing. It's a battle. And you can't just push someone who is unwilling to fight into a battle.

The next thing I want to address is the “why” in homosexuality. Many people think that homosexuals are born gay. I personally do not. I don't believe that God created anyone to be gay. I mean, why would God create us to be something that he doesn't want us to be? Other people say that being gay is a choice. That probably ticks me off the most. When I hear people say “Well, it's their fault! I mean, after all, being gay is a choice” I just want to punch someone in the mouth. Think about it. If being gay were a choice, then why would anyone choose to be gay? Why wouldn't people choose to be straight? Believe me, if I had a choice in which sex I was attracted to, I would choose the one that didn't make me stick out like a sore thumb. The one that made my life a whole lot easier. To me, saying it's a choice is like saying that being black is a choice. Believe me, if this was just something that I could turn on and off like a light switch, I would turn it off and never turn it back on again. No, it's not a choice. So, what is it then, you ask. My personal opinion on the matter is that it is a mixture of things. The brain is impacted by millions of things. No two people are brought up the same way, and the way that people were brought up affects how they think, act, behave, and function. I think that my SSA probably spurned from a mixture of things from my childhood, the friends I've kept, the people I've known, and probably a lot more that I can't even begin to imagine. But regardless, does it really matter why a person is attracted to the same sex? No. What matters is how they act on it, and what they do about it.

Finally, I want to state how I feel about my relationship with God, and how he stands on my SSA. I don't think that God wants me to be gay. However, I don't think it's in his plans for me to be “straight”. I think that as long as I am following God, and not giving into that SSA, I don't even need a sexual orientation. I don't feel like I need to be gay or straight. Sure I have this attraction, but if I'm following God and resisting temptation, and I feel that he will provide for me regardless of who I'm attracted to.

“Gays”

Regardless of what you call yourselves, you know who you are. People with SSA's. Let me just start out by saying I'm sorry to you for all of the crap that has been directed your way from people who call themselves Christians, but aren't living very Christ like. However, there is something to be said about tolerance for yourselves as well.

he thing that I hate most about self-proclaimed gay people is how they preach tolerance. When I first came out of the closet, I was “assured” by many that they would all still love me no matter what I chose. That nothing I could do would change their view of me. This was true for some people (largely my group of Christian friends), but not true for others. When I decided that I wanted to pursue God instead of my SSA, many of my gay friends asked me why. I told them my reasoning and almost all of them immediately dismissed it. I couldn't believe it. Were the people who were just preaching tolerance and acceptance to me just saying that as it applied to gay people? What ever happened to “whatever you choose”? I soon realized what a double standard that people had. “Sure I'll support you if you're gay... But not if you're Christian”. That's about when I realized that there was only room for either Christianity or homosexuality in my life. Neither could successfully exist while the other was around. So I decided to go with what had always been there for me; a God who loved me, and a community who was mature enough to accept me regardless of the struggles and conflicts that I was going through.

Another thing I wanted to address is stereotyping. For a group of people who are bent on achieving equality and being treated fair, I have to say that I have probably heard the most bashing on Christians coming from the mouths of people who have a SSA. You'd think that you'd know how hurtful it is to be thought of as different an crazy at times. I can however see why you might stereotype us Christians. Please do not be influenced by what you see in the media. I can assure you that the majority of Christians (at least the ones I know) are NOT Bible thumping, “God hates fags”-sign-toting morons who are out to get you to “repent for your wicked ways”. Think of it like this. The media portrays gay guys as a bunch of lisping guys who wear tight clothes and spend all day drinking fruity drinks and being flamboyant. The media portrays Christians as being a bunch of insane, holier-than-thou folks who spend all day reading the Bible and going door to door trying to get people to “repent”. In either case, it's not an accurate description at all. The next time a Christian starts talking to you about something tied into religion, don't immediately shut them out because they are a Christian. Try listening to what they have to say. It might be good advice, even if you have no interest in becoming a Christian.

I also just want to stress how much God loves you, and how much I love you. No matter what ANYONE tells you, God doesn't hate people with SSA's. Please know that God is unconditional love, and that He will ALWAYS love you, no matter what you choose or what you do. I get so mad when I hear people saying “God hates fags” because it is just such a lie. I think of it like this. If God created everyone, why would he hate his own creation? He wouldn't. No matter who you are, God loves you with all of His being. You might not believe it, but I pray that someday you'll know that this is true.

Anyways, that's just my two cents. Things that I have noticed from both sides. If you or someone you know has a SSA and agree with some of the things I am saying, try checking this site out: http://exodusyouth.net/ . It's a great site with a ton of resources from people like you and me who have gone through, or are struggling with a SSA and are Christians.

Well, I hope this has sparked thoughts in everyone who read this far. I might add more to this post from time to time, and I'll try to respond to comments promptly. Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

David Butler Jr.