Regarding Boston & God's Will
So, recently I was offered the opportunity to move out to Boston in the fall and live with a good friend of mine. This came at me almost out of the blue, and when I first heard the news, I was really excited. Just the week before that, I had been hating God and been on the verge of trying alcohol, or possibly even drugs. Essentially, I was tired of waiting around for God to move in my life. My spiritual life had become stale and painfull. I was looking to numb that pain. Soon, I got over it, and decided that making a rash decision wouldn't really solve anything. I made ammends with God, and trusted that he would show me how he wanted me to work for him (rather than focusing on myself).
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The very same day that my friend extended the offer to Boston to me, I had a talk with my therapist, who encouraged me to get some change in my life and spice it up. Essentially, I was looking for something that would help me get my mind off of pain. A constructive substitute for a stupid decision, if you will. That day I had been searching for things that I could do to excite my life in a way that was constructive and wouldn't really have any negative consequences in the long run. And BAM. Boston fell right into my lap. Needless to say, I was really excited.
I got to looking online. I checked it out, and in the area where I would be living, there were three community colleges that I could attend. I viewed this as a sign from God. There was two times more of an opportunity for me to get schooling done over in Boston, rather than just staying in Olympia and going to SPSCC. A few days later (and after some good conversation with friends), I decided that I wanted to do what God had called me to do with my life. That was all fine and dandy, but I honestly didn't know if he wanted me to go to Boston, or stay here in Olympia.
The more I looked for an answer to what God had planned for me, the more I thought I found one. I asked a few friends how they felt about me moving to Boston. A staggering FIVE of my good friends (and spiritual influences) said that they thought that the change that Boston would bring would be good for me, and that they thought that God was calling me to go. Two of my friends warned me to be wary, and to seek God in the issue. I told them that ultimately I would do what I felt God wanted me to do, but I still didn't know what he wanted me to do.
Then things became very clear very fast. Things still haven't been sorted out to the point where I can talk about them, but for one reason or another, God made it clear to me that staying here is what he wants me to do for right now. Just last Wednesday, I spoke with Jake (the guy I would have been moving with) about it. He brought to light some very interesting points that seem to coincide remarkably well with some reoccuring themes that I feel God has pressed upon my life (i.e. being less selfish and self centered with my faith). He brought up all of the people here in Washington that I have influence on. I'm not talking just social influence, but actual spiritual influence. There are people in my life that want nothing to do with the church other than the fact that I am there. There are people that are impossible for others to reach. If I left, how would they ever get closer to God?
I feel like God has put those people in my life as a responsibility. He has given me a testimony that, while rough, has a power beyond what I will ever know. That is a tool that he has given me to use. I never asked for that tool, but since I have it, I also have the responsibility to use it. If I left Olympia and went to Boston, would I really be using that tool in a way that God intended me to? No. And when I saw that, I realized that God wanted me to stay in Olympia.
Sure, I hate it here. Right now, Olympia seems like the smallest place in the world. I feel like I can't even breath here sometimes. But upon further prayer, I feel like God has given me peace. I feel like while I am in Olympia now, it is only for a season. I feel that God has a big plan for my life, and Olympia is just beginning to scratch the surface. Do I want to see what lies beneath the surface. Yes. So desporately I long to see what lies ahead. But if I did, wouldn't that just make the rest of my life pointless and bland? So, to summarize, I don't want to stay in Olympia, but I do want to follow God's plan for my life, so I guess I can tolerate this stupid city for a while longer.
